


hurricane

by grapeflavoredorange



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Bad Weather, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Oneshot, Rain, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Vent Piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grapeflavoredorange/pseuds/grapeflavoredorange
Summary: When everything is spiraling out of your control and your emotions are a raging storm inside your head, you feel as if there's nothing you can do but wait. Wait for it all to pass, however long it may take, however it'll make you feel. It's out of your control, like a hurricane, and all you can do about it is be patient, for it will go away soon.It's all you can do.
Relationships: Sakura Sojiro & Kurusu Akira
Kudos: 64





	hurricane

**Author's Note:**

> this is a vent piece, plain and simple. maybe projecting my own problems onto fictional characters isn't the healthiest coping method, but it's better than any alternative i can think of. the tags hopefully make it pretty obvious what this is about, but if you still can't figure it out, the story should be pretty clear.

Akira was never very fond of bad or rainy weather.

He didn’t like any weather that wasn’t warm and sunny, really. Snow was tolerable, cold air with a cloudless sky was fine, but once the rain started falling, so did his mood. He couldn’t really pinpoint when it started bothering him, ( _ maybe around eighth grade? definitely before he came to Tokyo,)  _ but it certainly didn’t help that it was spring and the week’s forecasts include nothing but clouds, cold, and rain. He stared glumly at the TV as the weather report finished, his chin in his hands, feeling dejected.  _ What an awful start to the week,  _ he thought as he heard the rain pounding on the roof. Akira didn’t even hear Sojiro asking him about something (most likely the upcoming mid-term exams, but those were the least of his worries) as he trudged back up the stairs, took off his glasses, and flopped onto his bed. He could feel Morgana curling up next to him, and he reached out to stroke the cat’s soft fur. It wasn’t much, but it made him feel slightly better. Better than sitting up and looking out the window at the gloomy, grey scene outside, letting it further ruin his mood.

Akira didn’t really understand what was so “relaxing” about the sounds of rain to some people. That, combined with the sounds of the busy city outside, just gave him a headache. It just reminded him of how stressful and hectic the outside world was, and more often than not, if it was raining, he didn’t want anything to do with it. He couldn’t really describe it better- when the clouds cleared and he could feel the sun on his skin, Akira felt peaceful, happy,  _ content.  _ It was the complete opposite of being trapped inside while the weather ravaged the outdoors, disgusting mud and slush ruining his shoes, stepping in puddles and feeling it soak his socks, his glasses getting foggy or wet and the fabric of his shirt was never enough to clear them properly and it would just make everything  _ worse,  _ and why was it such a big deal?! Why did he let it happen?! It was all so loathsome to him. It felt almost invasive. Like he’d never be happy again. When summer came and the clouds parted, he felt like his depression was cured and it would never come back, and it was such a silly thing to be mad about, but it was over, so he wouldn’t have to worry. But then the clouds and rain would wash away that happy feeling and leave him back in the pit of desolation and misery he fell into every time it rained. Why did he let something as stupid as the weather ruin his mood so easily? Wasn’t he supposed to be Joker, the fearless and clever leader of the Phantom Thieves? He certainly didn’t feel like it. Akira wasn’t sure how to feel anymore except tired. Even though he had barely been awake for an hour, he felt himself falling asleep to the sound of Morgana’s purrs.

He didn’t know what time it was when he woke up, but it was dark, and it was still raining. Morgana was now asleep at the foot of his bed, and Akira could hear his phone buzzing on the windowsill where he had left it. Groaning, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, then picked up the phone to check the time. 19:32.  _ Did I really sleep for that long? God, how fucking pathetic. Sleeping all day because of a little rain.  _ His insides felt heavy, like they were suddenly made of metal, and Akira felt his head throbbing with pain and his eyes burning with hot, angry tears.  _ This is so fucking stupid! I’m better than this!  _ He wrapped his arms around his torso and squeezed his eyes shut- oh, what was the point, he was already crying! Who was going to see him, anyways?! The feelings of anger and misery and depression began swirling around in his mind, growing stronger and stronger as the rain got louder and louder, and it felt like a hurricane was building in his mind, and he almost felt like the room was closing in on him, the walls were getting closer, the light was fading, the rain was just  _ too loud- _

“Hey, kid, you alright?”

The sound of Sojiro’s voice from the stairs shocked Akira out of his panic and caused him to let go of himself and look up. The man looked concerned, (more concerned than he had ever looked about Akira, anyways,) and he was holding a steaming cup of coffee. They stared at each other for a moment, Akira not knowing if he should be honest or not, but it was pretty obvious what the answer to Sojiro’s question was. He shook his head and leaned back against the wall, his insides still feeling heavy, and those unwanted tears not leaving his eyes. He could hear Sojiro making his way towards the bed, and although Akira wanted nothing more than to be alone, he let the man sit down next to him. The smell of coffee was slightly comforting, anyways. Akira swallowed the lump in his throat and bit back a sob when he felt Sojiro’s hand on his shoulder, and he knew he was near his breaking point when Sojiro spoke up again. “Not feeling so hot, are ya kid?”

Akira shook his head again. He really didn’t want to talk, because he knew that once he opened his mouth, the floodgates would be open again, but the genuine concern in Sojiro’s voice was too much for him. He wiped his eyes and sat up, took a deep breath, then spoke. “No… not really. No.” Sojiro squeezed Akira’s shoulder. “You wanna tell me? It’s okay if you don’t.” He paused, waiting for Akira to reply. He sniffed and rubbed his eyes again, then continued. “I… uh… I don’t- I mean I feel- It’s really stupid, but-” He looked at Sojiro, who he expected to be annoyed at his stammering, but instead, he looked the opposite; understanding and patient. “You can tell me, you know. I won’t be mad. It’s my job to take care of you, after all, and that includes your mental well-being.” 

Akira wasn’t even trying to hold back his tears anymore.

After a moment of stiff silence, he relaxed his back and took a deep breath. Morgana had woken up and was curled up on Akira’s lap, and the cat’s warm presence calmed him down slightly. Finally, he spoke again. “I… I never really liked weather like this. Especially during this time of year, it’s so gross and depressing and it just makes me feel so heavy and tired and  _ miserable  _ and I just… hate it.” he said, looking at the floor. Sojiro’s eyes widened slightly and he started rubbing Akira’s back. “Oh, kid… That’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he said reassuringly. Akira looked up at him, surprised. “Really?” he asked. “I thought it was pretty dumb…” The man simply shook his head. “No, it’s not dumb. Plenty of people feel that way, too.” He took a sip of his coffee, then continued. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Akira sighed and leaned against Sojiro’s arm as he continued. “It’s alright to feel this way, you know,” he said, taking another sip of his coffee. “And this won’t last forever, either. You’ve just gotta bite the bullet and power through it.” Akira nodded and wiped his eyes with his free hand, then spoke again. “I know, but I just feel so… I don’t even know how to describe it.” He paused, thinking for a moment. How could he get Sojiro to understand? It was such a confusing and frustrating feeling, It was such a huge thing that affected his life, and it was all out of his control. How could something so mundane and trivial as the weather control his life like that? Akira didn’t know. He would never know. All he could do was sit there in the cafe’s attic with Sojiro and Morgana, letting out the feelings he had kept bottled up for so long, feeling the comforting presence of Morgana on his lap and Sojiro’s hand on his back. Maybe the weather was terrible, and shitty, and it made him feel desolate and morose and like he’d never be happy again. Maybe it ruined his mood and made him sleep the whole day and feel lazy and ashamed. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it wasn’t something everyone else dealt with. Maybe he couldn’t do anything about it. But for now, as he sat there realizing everything, he didn’t have to control everything in his life. All he could do was accept it and move on and find a way to somehow make it better. And maybe he could wait for everything to be okay.

It was all he could do.

**Author's Note:**

> \- yeah i have seasonal affective disorder and cope with it by projecting my feelings onto my current hyperfocus, what of it  
> \- with the "arctic blast" that's going to be sweeping through the northeast u.s. (where i live) this week, i'm feeling pretty shitty, because may is my favorite month of the year weather-wise, and weather has always been pretty important to me, so obviously nothing about this is good. i decided that instead of moping about it and complaining to the notes app on my phone, i'd write about it instead. hopefully i got my feelings across well enough.


End file.
